What I'm Listening To (Part 12)

In my very first “What I’m Listening To” post, one of the two songs I wrote about was “Lazy Eye”. But, is it a crime to write about the same song twice? I just find it amazing that this one song in particular can consistently bring those same emotions each time I listen to it. Even after hearing this multiple times, each time it plays it feels like it’s the first time.​

I have officially made this song my anthem. (Don’t judge.) But in all seriousness, this song hits at the core. At this point in my life, I’m learning to balance my excitement with the future while being careful to not put too much hope into it. In other words, I think I can make the mistake of letting my expectations get too high. When I do that, I tend to just want to give up all hope. “Well, my situation will never look that way so why try at all?” That line of thinking especially applies to friendships and relationships, but this whole concept of a “lazy eye” is actually very descriptive of something deep within my personality.

I’ve always been an “all or nothing” kind of person. I like it when people are straight up with me - even if they have negative opinions of me, I have more respect for them if they were honest about it. However, when I give someone my full attention and I see nothing in return, I no longer see a point in investing into that relationship. I’ll always welcome them back into my life if they wish, but if not, I try my best to move on.

The idea behind a “lazy eye” is the idea of looking for something you don’t truly want. It’s as if you’ve put yourself into a position where you can only look one direction, but you know you don’t really want to look there.

I do this, and I mainly use the excuse that I’m doing it to “protect” myself. I guess I could just say that I choose to run from friendships that don’t work, but I don’t like that about myself. I’d much rather be someone who goes above and beyond to fight for friendships, and I have this inner battle that I struggle with.

At the end of verse 2 and then into the chorus, there’s an interesting contrast in the tone of the vocals and the feel of the music. The music itself has a happy/upbeat tone, but the vocals are intense and show a slight hint of frustration. That moment perfectly describes the whole meaning of this song - that almost “two-faced” personality. It’s that inner battle I’m talking about. “I don’t want to go that way, so I’ll do this instead even if I don’t truly want to.”

I didn’t expect to have so much to say about this song, especially back when I wrote that first post about it. What’s interesting is that the first time I wrote about it, I mentioned that it reminds me of those who matter most of me. I guess my opinions haven’t changed very much, but my eyes are being opened to understand more of myself every day.