Never Say These Phrases To A Bassist

​I've been playing bass for nearly five years and in that short time I've heard a few phrases that I can't stand any longer. Ask any bass player, these phrases drive us crazy. I've put together a list of the most annoying phrases for you to avoid. For your sake and for our sanity, please, stop saying these. 

"I'm all about that bass!"
​Oh wow, you're hilarious. That's a good one!

You put a bassist in an awkward position when you say this because we know you're just trying to be nice and all, but it's not funny. Actually, it's pretty annoying. I'm always unsure how to react because my gut reaction is to say something rude, but you're just an innocent fellow. I don't want to be the bad guy, and I don't want to hurt you. I'll usually just smile and give a fake laugh, but inside I'm not laughing.

"Cool guitar!"
​Really? Where?

​This one actually just makes me mad. At this point I don't care if you're an innocent fellow because you've just proven yourself to be a stupid fellow. Do you see six strings here? Can you count? Maybe I should just turn this thing up to 11 and blow your brains out. It's not a guitar, it's a bass. They're two different instruments - I really don't understand why it's so confusing. 

(However, if you see a bass player with a six-string bass feel free to call it a guitar - they're just asking for it at that point.)

​​"BASSically"
​You think you're pretty funny, huh?

​"Can you turn up the treble in your bass?"
​I don't know can you turn up the drums in your guitar?

​To a bassist, you sound really weak when you say this. At least to me, my mind automatically thinks your ears are too sensitive or something. There's got to be something wrong with you if you want more treble. I'm the bassist, my job is to play bass. Please respect my job and I'll respect yours.

"Can you play Seinfeld?"
​I'm just going to leave this here. Don't ask us this question. That's all I'm going to say about this one.

​So there you have it.

Bass players don't get enough credit as it is, don't make it worse on us. Instead of saying these, ask about what it's like to be a part of the rhythm section. Give a compliment, but don't do it in a cheesy way with a stupid pun. A simple "that sounds cool" ​or "you're an awesome bass player" is fine.

​And in case you were wondering, bass isn't easier than guitar.