I had plans: I wanted to quit the worship team at school, quit the worship team at church, and maybe sell my instruments. (That last one was a big maybe.)
Isn’t it amazing when obstacles come our way, we use “logic” to avoid them even if we’re aware we should fight through them? Creativity can sometimes be a dangerous thing. I had already justified in my mind multiple reasons why giving up music was the smartest option for my future. “It’s too risky”, “It’s not my biggest priority”, and “I want to do something different” were my strongest arguments. I lied to myself - as I said before. Pride is also amazing in its ability to self-defend.
I remember one day I was talking with my Grandma and she asked me how everything was going with music. My Grandma and I have a close relationship, so I told her everything. She said something to this effect: “If you give up the bass, you’re giving up your purpose. I’m serious. I’ve known you your whole life Trinity, and few things have made you come alive like music does.”
Something about those words, the tone in her voice, and the look in her eyes woke me up. I felt my ego pop, and I immediately felt overwhelmed. I probably didn’t let it show (everything goes blurry at this point) but that’s the last thing I can remember before my next serious conversation - the one that really sealed the deal.
I called my mentor.
After playing bass on my own for a couple years, I ended up crossing paths with one of the coolest bass players on the planet. His name’s Ron, and he’s one of my heroes. He saw me playing for my church once (long story short) he asked if I was taking lessons. I told him I wasn’t, he was impressed, so he asked if I’d like to have a mentor. We’ve met up on occasion ever since to go over the rough patches when I really need help.
He’s my Yoda, I’m his Luke. I go to him with all of my questions about music, and he helps me figure it out on my own. It’s amazing.
On one particular day, I was thinking about what my Grandma had told me. I was really battling with it this time. I wasn’t ignoring it. So I said, “Forget it. I’m calling Ron to ask him for his advice.” Yeah, it was uncomfortable at first. But I told him everything - all of the details I even left out in these blog posts. I let it all out, not really expecting much from him. (I was convinced there was no hope - I didn’t think there was a way out of this situation.)
To my surprise, he told me that he wanted to quit music at my age too. In fact, he didn’t intend to become a professional musician. He went to college to study computer science instead. “Then one day I realized, music isn’t ever going to leave me. I may as well embrace it.”
And that was it. “Screw it. Clearly, if this is something that’s been on my mind for some time, there has to be a reason. Music’s not leaving me either, I may as well embrace it.”
Fast forward a few months and I quit my job at the music school, and I applied for Praxis. Now, I wasn’t sure Praxis was going to help me musically. I just knew I couldn’t do college. If I was going to sacrifice time in a program to set up my future, it was going to be for music. So Praxis was the best option, but I was nervous about music.
To be continued...