Alright, it's time for me to be honest and come clean. I'm in a weird position, but, I know what to blame. I know that I'm not perfect, that I will make lots of mistakes in my life, and that more often than not, I'm probably wrong. However, I've been thinking a lot about where I stand when it comes to my faith in Christ. So, for those of you who are Christians, don't worry - I'm a Jesus follower.
If you follow my blog, you probably know that I'm on a quest. For those who don't know about this, I'll briefly explain.
In short, 2018 has been both the best and craziest year of my life. I've experienced so much that in the midst of multiple transitions, (good transitions), I've let my focus drift off of two things: my relationship with God, and my relationship with others. (Mostly other Christians.)
You can only handle loneliness so long before it starts to take a toll on your mental stability. Eventually, my mistakes caught up to me, and all of the emotions I shoved away came back with a lot of power. It was a lot to handle, and for months, I was very disorganized and unfocused. One day I decided to stop crying about it every day, and I began searching for answers. (This is how the quest came about.)
One of the most valuable lessons I've learned this past year is that change is not only powerful, but it's often essential. Most of us only deal with change when it chooses us, but how often do you go out of your way to choose change? Usually, we avoid change at all costs. We're either scared, totally comfortable, or too busy for it. Frankly, that's stupid. There's no way you're going to grow if you don't encounter some change.
I've been going to church ever since I can remember. It's time for a change. It's time for me to follow Christ on my own. I don't want to worry about what people are thinking, I don't want to go through the motions, and I'm tired of playing the same games.
I think a lot of Christians these days are bored. Sure we act all passionate on Sunday mornings, once a week for small groups, and weekends we volunteer. But, are we truly passionate? Do we resemble the early church? Do we look like Jesus?
No. We don't.
Every time I sit in church, it's basically the same thing all over again. People walk in, take a bulletin, sit down, put on their best worship face, listen to the sermon, and then leave as if nothing happened. We no longer rest on Sundays - we get hyped up on Sundays. Yet, somehow so little happens during the week. Obviously, something is wrong.
And if I decide to walk away from this, and I decide to take my own journey, suddenly the church wants to question my faith. If I ask too many questions, I'm "in a season of doubt".
I don't want to be lukewarm anymore. I'm not saying that every church is the same way. I'm talking mostly about the Church. I think we're more lukewarm than we'd like to admit. I'm not going to tolerate that in my own life anymore. I love everyone who attends church, I'm not saying church doesn't help at all, but I would love to see more change happening - even if that means I'm doing this quest alone.