I don't typically write holiday-themed posts because I want to make sure I'm sharing what's really on my mind without forcing anything. Today is Valentine's Day and I wasn't expecting to write anything related to that, but, I figured why not.
As a kid, Valentine's Day is usually just about the candy and the cute little cards you get to pass around to your friends. (At least, that's all I really cared about at that time.)
As you get older, you start to care a little more. You begin to wonder if anyone is going to give you anything or if someone will notice you.
Then, as time comes and goes, you start to develop ideas about love and relationships.
I used to over-romanticize the idea of being in a relationship. Being a girl, I was told to have high standards growing up. I remember writing down a list of everything I wanted in a boyfriend/husband and telling myself I wouldn't "settle" for anything less. Essentially, I was looking forward to having a relationship someday and falling in love with someone.
Fast forward a few years, and I found myself in a completely opposite position. I didn't want a relationship anymore. For a long time, I told myself that I can't let my emotions take over and falling in love with someone would cause damage in my life. I've beaten myself time and time again for even hoping that I could actually be "good enough" for someone. A part of me still wanted a relationship, but I felt stupid admitting that. I wouldn't even want to admit it to myself.
There was a lot of hurt and negativity associated with the concept of relationships. I'm still battling that a bit, (who isn't?), but some things have changed and I've learned a couple things about how our minds work.
A) In order to protect ourselves, we will convince ourselves of things we know aren't true.
B) Emotions can keep you trapped for very long periods of time - good or bad.
Valentine's Day is really meant to uplift other people that you love. It shouldn't be about the things you get, the butterflies, the people who notice you. Instead of focusing on the love you don't have yet, it's much better when you're thankful for the love you do have.
I'm finally learning this. Accepting your position is sometimes very difficult, but I'm learning to love life even though it's not what I always pictured. Everyone is on a different journey, and I think that's something we should cherish.